I thought poetry was supposed to be hard

It doesn’t feel that hard but that could be a sign 
That these are so bad; I have no sense. Thinking about keeping these up all summer feels like 
Planning a wedding: I can think of all the details kind of, or daydream about how it will be and I like to think about it 
But to explain this analogy makes no sense: Of course 
It’s not really an event 
But I just know how it will feel to write them on my phone, most likely 
While I’m on a train or plane or in someone else’s 
Automobile, or on the bank of a river or shore of a 
Lake or dune by the beach or stretch of quiet in an 
Afternoon, after I wake up from a nap where nothing was accomplished because I didn’t 
Need to accomplish anything, I was napping and it was humid and gray outside, the perfect weather for 
Being in love because I don’t have to do anything 
At all, don’t have to do anything at all to make it still feel like something 
When it’s humid and gray and I get to be in my body 
She likes.

Jacky my Spanish teacher and I talked for real about planning my wedding 
I’m not getting married but it was fun to talk about for our Skype hour 
          I could get married, I’m not getting married now 
I said I wanted a big wedding with a ceremony at 5 p.m. 
It would be outside and we’d have a party afterward 
Many people would be invited and it would be in the city where I lived so it would be easier to plan 
We’d have lots of candles and flowers 
I might wear white but I might not 
We’d have a dinner the night before but that would be it, the two events 
And then we would be married 
She told me that was fine but it wouldn’t make me happy 
She said it would make me happy to have a small house with nice light and open windows 
As happens in Spanish class sometimes I found myself repeating her phrases 
So I said yes, I’ll be happy in a small house with open windows 
I thought this was funny, that we were stuck on open windows but I agree with her 
That does sound nice and when I imagine the big happiness of a wedding I also imagine the 
Little happiness of open windows, like the big happiness got parceled into days’ worth and each day 
I just got a little bit, and it was an open window and it was plenty.

I’ve had people before who are inspiring to me because I have so much to say to them and then I find myself making art that’s just all the things I’d say to them, or haven’t said yet or might say later 
This is not the case with my girlfriend—instead it feels when I hang out with her like suddenly I’ve forgotten everything that ever happened to me besides maybe the funny things that happened that morning. I don’t think this is bad at all; it makes our time together feel cushioned by the space between ourselves and everything we’re not thinking about, and instead of trying to reach out and remember them we can have nothing conversations like we did yesterday, about names for dogs we have no plans to get. Or if we’re lying down and not wearing clothes then we don’t have to talk at all, we’re not missing out on anything.

Do people think happy art is any good? I don’t know if I have thought so in the past, though that might just have been because I like art that meets me wherever I’m feeling, and if I’m that happy probably I’m not sitting down to read, just being honest.

A funny moment is when you have artist friends, musicians or writers especially, and they 
Start making art you like about people you know, who they love 
And those people are totally normal people 
They’re not even always that good-looking in a conventional sense, and they often have things like 
Acne, and they go to the dentist for sure, or they should 
They’re not people you would fall in love with at all, probably 
But someone else did, and that person is doing something kind of interesting 
With that, if not having the most interesting relationship at least 
Talking about it in a way that’s enviable.

I’m finding with poetry that it’s great because 
I don’t have to back any of this up, at all.

I’m trying to think of any art I’ve ever enjoyed about being happy in a healthy relationship 
I’m thinking of Jenna Gribbon but mainly those are images of sex or at least passion and that’s not exactly what I mean 
I don’t know how to describe her paintings without being wrong but they do at least have to do with the body and I’m thinking more about things a happy couple might keep in their house 
Adrianne Lenker has that song about being Happy with You but when I actually listen to it, she keeps saying Poison and Shame, 
Poison and Shame 
Poison and Shame 
at least as much if not more than she says Happy with You 
All I can think of is Bridget and her soccer player boyfriend once they actually got together in maybe the third or fourth Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but then there wasn’t even anything to talk about, we were just told they were Happy 
To me that sounds pretty good and I wonder what it would be to spend more time in art that was just the good part 
If it’s even true that it’s better after a hard part, or any of that 
If there’s any reason not to just have the good part, or at least have it most of the time. I just think it’s funny; I think somewhere along the way I learned it’s not romantic to feel good about things, or to feel that way more often than not. Someone asked me recently what I thought made my relationship so good and I said, 
Well, I think we both want to be in it 
I was kind of joking but the way they reacted it was like this was 
New Wisdom 
And I was kind of like 
That’s really too bad.